October 28, 2010

  *  A real important note from me to me -  as I edit the layout on this day, the spacing looks great, but when I actually publish the blog, it all goes haywire.  It really bugs me, because I want it to look perfect, and I know that it gets skewed and hard to read.  Just so you know that I can't figure out how to correct it - . . . . .

  I realize that I haven’t contributed to this blog for a very long time.  Believe it or not, it does take some thought and I usually write it during the middle of the night.  Since I’m trying to avoid being up in the middle of the night, because it messes my body clock up so much, the further away I got from writing, the harder it was to get back to it!

  Excuses aside, I’m sure that most of you know by now that my last scans and bone 

marrow test showed that I was in REMISSION.  I do have my last (6th) round of chemo 

next week, which will be followed by another set of scans (but no bone marrow test, thank goodness!) just to make certain that things are as they should be so that I can put the 

chemo behind me and move on to a maintenance program.  I am thrilled to be in remission 

and know that it is due to all the prayers that have been offered to God in my name - and I thank you all for your kindness and diligence - but please don’t stop praying now!

  A lot has happened since I last wrote, but due to chemo brain, I can’t remember

most of it!  Something neat did happen today, however . . . A few days before I received 

my lymphoma diagnosis (end of June), I had an appointment with an orthopedic specialist because I had something wrong with my left leg and it was so painful to walk that I was walking as though I had one leg shorter than the other.  He took x-rays and said that I had 

a torn miniscus in my left knee.  He gave me a prescription and an order for an MRI which

I cancelled because of the cancer news which came a few days later.  How I hurt my knee was a mystery and it certainly wasn’t from anything sporty like running or bicycling - can we say “getting old”?  My knee seemed to be less of a problem with the anti-inflamatory and the lymphoma soon became the main health focus.

  During chemo, I receive steroids, which also help the pain in my knee, so until lately, I’ve 

chosen to take Advil and otherwise ignore the problem - until very recently, that is.  (This 

is really boring, isn’t it!)  Today, Terry and I went back to the Ortho doctor to see about 

getting a shot of cortisone (which he originally offered).  He’s a fairly young guy (we’re old enough to be his parents), and very personable.  I told him about being diagnosed with lymphoma a few days after seeing him, and that I’d been through 5 rounds of chemo (and 

of course he looked at my hair) and said that when he was young, his mom had been diagnosed with the same thing and had fun buying wigs, too.  TOO?  At that point, I had 

to slug him and let him know that I WAS NOT WEARING A WIG!  When you say you’ve 

been through chemo, they always look at your hair!  She had gone through chemo and radiation and ended up passing away when he was 12 and his brother was 8.

We asked if that was his motivation to become a doctor and he said that he had

put it on his application to med school.

  Okay, so the part that I thought was so neat was after we shook hands and he was 

leaving the room and Terry said to him, “You know, I have to tell you something”.  Then 

he paused and finally said to him “you know, your mother would be very proud of you”.  Instant tears all around!  I hope that it made his day!  It made mine and I was so thrilled 

that God had given Terry those words.  I asked Terry why he had hesitated and he said it was because he had started to tear up and couldn’t get the words out!  Everybody needs encouragement and maybe that was the real reason we were there today.  This might 

have been a “you had to be there moment”, but it really touched my heart and I wanted 

to share it with you.

  I’m sort of waning philosophical, but I think that it’s the little things that really count in life. 

If you wait for the big things, you just may miss a lot of important stuff along the way.  A few thoughtful words can be so powerful.  You can quote me on that (even though I’m sure that philosophers don’t say “stuff”!)

  I'll be back in a month  . . . .  probably!

                                                        

Thursday, September 16, 2010

  The Women of Faith Conference was great -  and we forgot the all important kleenex!  The speakers/singers were wonderful - women who are transparent enough to talk about their shortcomings even though they may 

seem to have it all together.  We laughed and cried with them over many incredibly touching stories {I’m so glad that women can let their guard(s) down and be real - not like those other folks who have trouble getting beyond their egos!}

  Terry’s at the IMTS show in Chicago this week and the product that he’s been part of developing was a great success.  I hope that he’ll be able to finally get some sleep when he gets home.  He pulled 2 all-nighters in the last 3 days before he left, and I was sure he’d have a heart attack or a stroke before he got on the plane!

  Next Monday, begins my 4th round of chemo; as Blair says - I get to take a vacation every 3 weeks!  That will be followed by new CAT/PET Scans and a bone marrow test (ouch!) to chart my progress.

  Greg Laurie had an interesting devotion today:

Kept in His Ways

For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.

— Psalm 91:11

The angels of God are nearer than you may think. They are all around us all the time, taking care of us and ministering to us, even when we are not aware of their presence. That is fine with them, because essentially 

they are God's secret agents, doing His bidding and the work He has called them to do. Many times, they 

have intervened in our lives and we didn't even know they were doing so.

According Psalm 91 and other passages of Scripture, angels are actively involved in the life of the Christian. Hebrews 1:14 says that they are ministering spirits, sent forth to minister to those who will inherit salvation. Hebrews 13:2 tells us not to be forgetful to entertain strangers, for in doing so, some have entertained angels without even knowing it. There are so many stories in the Bible of angels who delivered the people of God, 

such as Daniel in the lion's den and Peter in prison.

But as wonderful as the promise of angelic involvement in our lives is, we must first recognize what the

conditions are for this promise to be activated in our lives: "For He shall give His angels charge over you,

to keep you in all your ways" (Psalm 91:11). Recognize the fact that the phrase "to keep you in all your 

ways" is not referring to whatever path you choose, but to God's ways.

There is a difference between trusting the Lord and testing Him by taking unnecessary chances with your 

life or even endangering your spiritual safety by doing stupid things and expecting God to bail you out. God

will keep you in all your ways—but your ways must be His ways.

Monday, September 6, 2010

  The emotional slide wasn’t so bad; it’s kind of a given that I will cry - for any reason!  But this time, the 

Neulasta got me with achy flu-like symptoms and a general yucky feeling - a déja vu of morning sickness.  

I went to school on Friday because it was the big day when we post all the class lists on the front windows

of the office.  As it turned out, that was already handled, so I just tried to keep on track even though I was 

starting to feel awful.  

  I have made another decision -  I do very well on the 3 chemo days, the 4th day with the shot is so-so, 

and the 5th day, I’m going to allow myself to feel crummy - enough with being stoic.  If I feel like crawling 

under a rock, it’s okay - with no apologies (to myself).  When I left school on Friday, I was really ready to 

crawl under a rock and that’s exactly what I did (figuratively, of course) until Sunday evening, when I finally started to feel normal again.  One would think that I should have this figured out by now, but I’m still learning!

  I have to say that Terry was so patient through all this and kept offering to make me things to eat.  I had

read that food that you really like will often become impossible to get close to during this time, and “they”

were right.  The only things that worked were chunky peanut butter on toast and grilled cheese sandwiches.

The other thing that I noticed this time is that I have no stamina.  I got up Sunday morning to shower and

wash my hair so that I could go to church, and realized  that I had used up all my energy, got light-headed 

and went back to bed.  The beneficiary of all this, of course, is Buttons, our cat, who now has a buddy who 

can also sleep about 22 hours a day!

  I do want to say a HUGE “thank you” to the ladies at school who all pulled together to register the new 

kids, completely assemble the first day packets, and generally do what I have been responsible for over

the last 16 years at my school.  Opening a new school year is really a busy time and very stressful, 

and I’m so thankful that I was able to sleep through it this year!  You all are wonderful friends and I 

appreciate you so much!  

  School actually begins this Thursday, Sept. 9th, so I will work for 2 full weeks before I begin my 4th

round of chemo on Sept. 20th.  Following that round, I will have another PET/CAT Scan and bone marrow

test to assess my progress (I hope) towards remission.  Regardless of the results, I will have 2 more

rounds of chemo for sure.  Then we’ll see . . . 

  Blair, Lisa Schron, and I will be attending a Women of Faith Conference this weekend in Anaheim - it

should be wonderful and I know from experience that I need to take a BOX of kleenex with me.  Looking

forward to it!

   

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

   Today was the 3rd day of my third round of chemo.  Because of the coming holiday, my appointment

times have been later, which for some reason, has goofed me up.  I have not been a powerhouse when

I get home, ready to leap tall buildings at a single bound, staying up until 2:00 a.m.!  Instead, I’ve been 

tired and fall asleep early, then wake up at 2:00 for the rest of the night!  One of my nurses says that 

she has patients who save up their scrapbooking and tape movies to watch for times like these.

   Today, Terry’s mom sent us a CD of Bill and Gloria Gaither, whom we have enjoyed for years.  We 

had the CD going in the car and I have a bunch of their songs on my IPOD.  I have programmed my IPOD 

with a lot of great praise music and at chemo was listening to “In the Garden”, which is an old Christian 

song, and I guess that I was crying while I was listening to it.  I opened my eyes to see a very concerned 

nurse standing over me, asking me if I was okay.  (It’s 2:30 a.m. now, and Im listening to it again, crying, 

my nose dripping on my laptop.  TMI!)  Terry says that tears remove toxins, which is interesting, because 

while I’m being pumped full of toxins, my tears are helping to take them away!

   I guess that part of the reason that I am writing this blog is to tell the story from the inside out.  Until I 

had cancer, I never gave any thought to how it feels or what chemotherapy would be like.   A nurse also

told me this week that the anti-anxiety drug that they give us is to somehow alter any negatives that we 

might feel about getting the chemo or just going to the chemo center.  For me, it’s a strangely comforting 

process - even though I’m being pumped full of poison!

I have my special chemo socks, the snuggly blanket that Blair made for me a few years ago, and my 

IPOD that helps to lull me to sleep.  The mix of drugs that they give me before the chemo itself, really

takes the edge off of the procedure.  So, it is really easy!

   Tomorrow, I go for the shot of Neulasta, which is the white cell booster.  Also, I won’t have the steroids 

that I get with the chemo, so this is when I start to do my emotional slide - hopefully I won’t slide very far 

this time!

   Thanks again to all of you who have sent cards and continue to pray for my recovery . .  God is at work!

   

                                    

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

  I’ve been back at school for a week, and it’s been incredibly hot, but I have a fan behind me, and I have it positioned so that it doesn’t blow the papers off of my desk, but does hit me in the back and keeps me cool if I don’t move away from it.  A few teachers have come in each day to pick up their keys and they’re slowly getting into the groove of getting their rooms back in order.  For the most part, their classrooms are hotter than the office, so I can understand their lack of enthusiasm!

  Got a panicked call from Terry today saying that he was pretty sure that our cat had gotten out while the cleaning lady was there.  He’d been on a conference call and had not seen Buttons since she left.  {It took me a long time to really become an animal person, but losing Buttons would be a huge tragedy!}  So, I dropped everything and flew home, hoping I wouldn’t see her in the street, alive or other, and walked into the house and called her name . . . . . and she walked out of his office!  YUP!

  Blair went with me to the doctor for my weekly blood tests - all the numbers were good again {YES!}  My doctor’s a single dad whose daughter will be a freshman at UC Santa Barbara; we asked if she would be going through Rush, which she is, but he didn’t know too much about it, so he closed the door and we had a little chat - and HE took notes!

  My 3rd round of chemo begins next Monday and there’s lots to do at school before I take off for a week.  I’ve really thought a lot about the idea of going back to work on the last 2 days of my chemo week, and think that I will not try to be a hero, but will stay home to rest.  I haven’t had the stress of working during the first 2 rounds, so I’m sure that it’s made a difference in how I felt during those weeks.  It’s all still pretty new and I will for sure have 3 more rounds after this.

  In the 2 non-chemo weeks, I feel completely normal, and it’s like none of this is really happening.  Unfortunately, my appetite is back though and it’s a challenge to not go back to my old eating habits!

  I do want to thank all of you again your prayers and support; I don’t know how people survive these types of things in their lives without personally knowing God and being able to see how He’s working and answering prayers.  It’s pretty amazing!  

                                                                   

Saturday, August 14, 2010

                The spacing went crazy again -

  Some of you have mentioned that you haven’t been getting my blog - actually, I haven’t written one for 

quite a while!

  My previous blood work {in the last blog} was good and I flew up to San Francisco that day to meet my 

sister, Lindsay, for our first “sisters” vacation.  Her flight arrived before mine, so she was waiting at my gate 

when I arrived.  From there, we trekked to the BART station for a 20-minute ride to our hotel.  The sun was 

just going down when we got off the BART and the weather was cool and crisp - what a delight!  We are both directionally challenged, but thanks to some street folks, we found the Hotel Union Square on Powell Street 

with little trouble.  For one who travels very little (and usually stays in Hampton Inns), I was very surprised by 

our room.  She and I both stood in the doorway and said “Oh, my gosh!”  Turns out that our hotel was pretty old and had been restored several times - very retro.  The bathroom had striped tiles on walls and floor and was big enough to hold a small dance in!  The ceiling was probably 15 ft. high and the carpeting was striped.    The hotel was located in a neat area with a trolley going up and down the street ALL night.  But, if you’re a little hard of hearing and on the other side of the building, you can’t hear it anyway!  Turned out we ended up liking the room, once we got adjusted!   Okay, so we broadened our horizons!

  On Tuesday, we took a 5 hour bus tour around the city.  Blair had suggested that we rent the little yellow cars with GPS’s, but for the 2 of us, it could have spelled disaster!  I have to say again that the weather was phenomenal and Lindsay was loving it coming from hot and sweaty Illinois.  We took a ferry to Sausalito, then back across the Golden Gate for the rest of the trip.   We found that our hip and knee joints began to ache about the same time, so we were pretty evenly matched.  Dinner was at the Cheesecake Factory on the patio above Macy’s.

  Wednesday morning, we rented a car for the short drive to Monterey and Carmel.  We ate lunch at a hotel on the water in Monterey and managed to kill enough time so that most of the stores were already closing by the time 

we arrived in Carmel.  What a great town, though!  We actually stayed in Pacific Grove in the Sea Breeze Lodge {does that sound like the Bates Motel?}  It was another of those OMG! moments when we saw it as it was a motel where you drive your car to the front door.  It was the flickering “OPEN” sign that really scared us!  {just kidding}

  Thursday was our longest driving day, heading for Carpinteria.  We drove the Coast Highway {1}, passed Big Sur, which was magnificant - the scenery was just amazing!  It was a photographer’s dream.  

  At some point, our directions told us to get off the 1 and take the 101, to later reconnect with the 1.  I didn’t question it, but it was getting dark and, as a rule, I don’t drive unknown roads in the dark.  It also was VERY hilly with lots of short turns.  Mild panic was ensuing and then the brakes started to vibrate every time I used them.  Lindsay talked to me all the way, so that helped a lot, but it was scary!  When we arrived in Carpinteria, we were pretty sure that they must have moved the hotel, but after realizing that Garma had been programmed with the wrong street number, we found it!  

  On Friday, we had to backtrack to Santa Barbara to get a different rental car, so while we waited for our new 

car to be serviced, they dropped us off close to Jeannine’s Bakery (Blair’s recommendation for brunch).  Santa Barbara has an annual Fiesta Days’ parade which happened to be that day, so we got to see a lot of it.  They have 600 beautiful horses in it and Lindsay was completely in her element taking movies.

  Back on the road again, we got into the LA area around rush hour, got lost in Santa Monica, but finally arrived home by 6:30.  Blair, Lindsay, and I went to the Sawdust Festival that night, then to Las Brisas for dinner.

  Saturday was “return the rental car day” so we chased around to get that accomplished.  In the afternoon, we met Blair and Justus and Britt and Lisa and boys for a late lunch at BJ’s in Brea.  Our son, Chris, was mining 

up in the mountains, so his family wasn’t able to join us.  We attended the Harvest Crusade that night and it 

helped remind me why I don’t enjoy the Teen Night - the music is SO LOUD.  God appeals to different people in different ways!

  Lindsay flew home on Sunday morning.  I could hardly stay awake driving back from LAX and took a long 

nap when I got home.   Terry was still at church and the emptiness got me and I just sat and cried!  It had 

been such a fun week, but I can see now how exhausted I was without realizing it -

  

  Monday, August 9th began my 2nd round of chemo.  I went into it knowing that I was tired, but thought 

I could play “catch-up” by sleeping through most of it.  Blair picked me up after my treatments on all 3 days

and we managed to run errands or ‘do really important stuff’ until late in the day.  Part of the injections I receive are steroids, which keep me up until late at night, not feeling “wired” but just not sleepy.  I get this “super-human” feeling that this is the time to get things done, but I am, in fact, running myself down.  

  On Thursdays, I get a shot of Neulasta to boost my white blood cells, but there are no steroids, so I start to 

do a slow melt-down.  As I come off of this high, I get a little weepy and emotional.  {This is still all so new to me, and I’m finally figuring it out.}  This shot can give flu-like symptoms, certain smells really bother me {CAT BOX} and I feel like I have a fur-ball in my throat! {Not related to Buttons}.  I think that I’m deciding that Thursdays 

need to be a day of rest; maybe Fridays, too.

  I went to bed about 8:30 last night, so have really goofed up my sleep pattern even more.  Woke up about 3:00 a.m. and had to use the bathroom in the den as I could smell the cat box on the porch behind our main bathroom.  I ended up waking Terry up, so he came in to talk while I was on my computer.  For all of you women who have husbands who are computer jocks, you’ll appreciate this for sure!  He thought that it would be an opportune time to show me how my MAIL programs works. {at 3:30 in the morning!}  Don’t they get it?

  We went to Costco this week, and you know how they sometimes give you a big box to carry your stuff in?  

{but it get so heavy -}  Well, we got a purple and white checked Smucker’s box with a cutout in the front.  Buttons sleeps at the foot of our bed, so Terry brought it in for her - he had put “Button’s Pad” on the front of it and said he had renovated it with TARP money!  I’m sure that it’s one of those “you had to be there” moments for most people, but we just died laughing!  Buttons appreciated it and was glad that we “had some skin in the game!”

  I haven’t noticed any hair loss, but did get my hair cut this week.  I did say that I wanted it shorter, but this is ridiculous!  She must not have been listening.  I have named my wig, Winona, and she’s gone for a ride several times {get it?}  For all you former female swimmers, it feels a lot like wearing a tank cap - and it will be warm 

when our temps in California start to climb just in time for school to start.

  My first day back at school will be on Tuesday - honestly, this summer has gone so quickly.  I’m usually kind 

of ready to go back, but I’m not feeling that way so much this year.  I’ve been treated like a Princess all summer, and there’s no Princess treatment at school - and no AIR CONDITIONING!

  I would be remiss if I closed this day of the blog without thanking God and my family and friends who are supporting me through this time in my life.  I am so fortunate in so many ways and I do see this trip as a form of a “gift”.  I know that many good things will come from what I am learning and I am being made stronger for having experienced it.

A quote from Greg Laurie at the Harvest Crusade:  

  'We aren't called to follow Jesus' followers, we're called to follow Jesus’

Also, from C. S. Lewis:

  ‎'God whispers to us in our pleasure... And shouts at us in our pain' 

                                                                   

Saturday, July 31. 2010

  
    ** The spacing on my final copy went haywire; I have tried to fix it twice, looks good in 

the edit mode, then bad in the publish copy. Sorry, but it bugs me - a secretarial thing, I guess! 

  No, I haven't fallen off a cliff!  I have felt great all week and last week's cycle of chemo seems 

so far in the past.  It's almost as though it never happened.

  Our plans are set for meeting in San Francisco next week.  My sister is in overdrive, staying up 

until the early hours, cleaning house before she leaves.   Is that just a female thing, wanting to leave everything in order (or better) before we leave for a trip?  I have never noticed that it bothered my counterpart.  I remember in our first apartment in Illinois, "hiding" all the dirty dishes in the oven 

before we took off for a weekend in Ohio.

  Tuesday evening, my principal and the rest of the ladies from our school office (save 1) met for 

dinner at the Cheesecake Factory on the patio.  It was so much fun and good to see all of them.  

They all brought Chemo gifts - several plaques with encouraging words, great hats to go with 

my new "do" - whatever that may be, and a fabulous pair of long, big, purple chandelier earrings, 

a headband with purple bling, and the necessary purple wand to round out the ensemble!  Thanks 

you all - I really enjoyed it!

  I think that this will be my 17th year at Warren Elementary and I have to say that I work with 

such great people.  I know so many who aren't happy where they work, but after all these years, 

I still love what I do, and the people that I work with make such a difference; I am really blessed!!!!

  I picked up my wig yesterday and wore it for the rest of the day.  I still have a full head of hair 

which gets mooshed under a mesh "scull cap" which is followed by the wig.  It's very simple 

looking; not anything that departs too much from the way I normally wear my hair, but I feel 

like I'm wearing a sign that says "Yes, I AM wearing a wig"!  I didn't realize that wigs take a 

lot of maintenance and I came home with about $100 worth of supplies to keep it clean and 

looking snappy.  Our cat hasn't noticed it yet. . . .

  My next medical milestone will be Monday for another blood test on my red, white, and blues.  

So, until then . . . . .  I am still so joyful and praising the Lord for all that He's done for me!

                                                                   

.