October 28, 2010

  *  A real important note from me to me -  as I edit the layout on this day, the spacing looks great, but when I actually publish the blog, it all goes haywire.  It really bugs me, because I want it to look perfect, and I know that it gets skewed and hard to read.  Just so you know that I can't figure out how to correct it - . . . . .

  I realize that I haven’t contributed to this blog for a very long time.  Believe it or not, it does take some thought and I usually write it during the middle of the night.  Since I’m trying to avoid being up in the middle of the night, because it messes my body clock up so much, the further away I got from writing, the harder it was to get back to it!

  Excuses aside, I’m sure that most of you know by now that my last scans and bone 

marrow test showed that I was in REMISSION.  I do have my last (6th) round of chemo 

next week, which will be followed by another set of scans (but no bone marrow test, thank goodness!) just to make certain that things are as they should be so that I can put the 

chemo behind me and move on to a maintenance program.  I am thrilled to be in remission 

and know that it is due to all the prayers that have been offered to God in my name - and I thank you all for your kindness and diligence - but please don’t stop praying now!

  A lot has happened since I last wrote, but due to chemo brain, I can’t remember

most of it!  Something neat did happen today, however . . . A few days before I received 

my lymphoma diagnosis (end of June), I had an appointment with an orthopedic specialist because I had something wrong with my left leg and it was so painful to walk that I was walking as though I had one leg shorter than the other.  He took x-rays and said that I had 

a torn miniscus in my left knee.  He gave me a prescription and an order for an MRI which

I cancelled because of the cancer news which came a few days later.  How I hurt my knee was a mystery and it certainly wasn’t from anything sporty like running or bicycling - can we say “getting old”?  My knee seemed to be less of a problem with the anti-inflamatory and the lymphoma soon became the main health focus.

  During chemo, I receive steroids, which also help the pain in my knee, so until lately, I’ve 

chosen to take Advil and otherwise ignore the problem - until very recently, that is.  (This 

is really boring, isn’t it!)  Today, Terry and I went back to the Ortho doctor to see about 

getting a shot of cortisone (which he originally offered).  He’s a fairly young guy (we’re old enough to be his parents), and very personable.  I told him about being diagnosed with lymphoma a few days after seeing him, and that I’d been through 5 rounds of chemo (and 

of course he looked at my hair) and said that when he was young, his mom had been diagnosed with the same thing and had fun buying wigs, too.  TOO?  At that point, I had 

to slug him and let him know that I WAS NOT WEARING A WIG!  When you say you’ve 

been through chemo, they always look at your hair!  She had gone through chemo and radiation and ended up passing away when he was 12 and his brother was 8.

We asked if that was his motivation to become a doctor and he said that he had

put it on his application to med school.

  Okay, so the part that I thought was so neat was after we shook hands and he was 

leaving the room and Terry said to him, “You know, I have to tell you something”.  Then 

he paused and finally said to him “you know, your mother would be very proud of you”.  Instant tears all around!  I hope that it made his day!  It made mine and I was so thrilled 

that God had given Terry those words.  I asked Terry why he had hesitated and he said it was because he had started to tear up and couldn’t get the words out!  Everybody needs encouragement and maybe that was the real reason we were there today.  This might 

have been a “you had to be there moment”, but it really touched my heart and I wanted 

to share it with you.

  I’m sort of waning philosophical, but I think that it’s the little things that really count in life. 

If you wait for the big things, you just may miss a lot of important stuff along the way.  A few thoughtful words can be so powerful.  You can quote me on that (even though I’m sure that philosophers don’t say “stuff”!)

  I'll be back in a month  . . . .  probably!

                                                        

Thursday, September 16, 2010

  The Women of Faith Conference was great -  and we forgot the all important kleenex!  The speakers/singers were wonderful - women who are transparent enough to talk about their shortcomings even though they may 

seem to have it all together.  We laughed and cried with them over many incredibly touching stories {I’m so glad that women can let their guard(s) down and be real - not like those other folks who have trouble getting beyond their egos!}

  Terry’s at the IMTS show in Chicago this week and the product that he’s been part of developing was a great success.  I hope that he’ll be able to finally get some sleep when he gets home.  He pulled 2 all-nighters in the last 3 days before he left, and I was sure he’d have a heart attack or a stroke before he got on the plane!

  Next Monday, begins my 4th round of chemo; as Blair says - I get to take a vacation every 3 weeks!  That will be followed by new CAT/PET Scans and a bone marrow test (ouch!) to chart my progress.

  Greg Laurie had an interesting devotion today:

Kept in His Ways

For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.

— Psalm 91:11

The angels of God are nearer than you may think. They are all around us all the time, taking care of us and ministering to us, even when we are not aware of their presence. That is fine with them, because essentially 

they are God's secret agents, doing His bidding and the work He has called them to do. Many times, they 

have intervened in our lives and we didn't even know they were doing so.

According Psalm 91 and other passages of Scripture, angels are actively involved in the life of the Christian. Hebrews 1:14 says that they are ministering spirits, sent forth to minister to those who will inherit salvation. Hebrews 13:2 tells us not to be forgetful to entertain strangers, for in doing so, some have entertained angels without even knowing it. There are so many stories in the Bible of angels who delivered the people of God, 

such as Daniel in the lion's den and Peter in prison.

But as wonderful as the promise of angelic involvement in our lives is, we must first recognize what the

conditions are for this promise to be activated in our lives: "For He shall give His angels charge over you,

to keep you in all your ways" (Psalm 91:11). Recognize the fact that the phrase "to keep you in all your 

ways" is not referring to whatever path you choose, but to God's ways.

There is a difference between trusting the Lord and testing Him by taking unnecessary chances with your 

life or even endangering your spiritual safety by doing stupid things and expecting God to bail you out. God

will keep you in all your ways—but your ways must be His ways.

Monday, September 6, 2010

  The emotional slide wasn’t so bad; it’s kind of a given that I will cry - for any reason!  But this time, the 

Neulasta got me with achy flu-like symptoms and a general yucky feeling - a déja vu of morning sickness.  

I went to school on Friday because it was the big day when we post all the class lists on the front windows

of the office.  As it turned out, that was already handled, so I just tried to keep on track even though I was 

starting to feel awful.  

  I have made another decision -  I do very well on the 3 chemo days, the 4th day with the shot is so-so, 

and the 5th day, I’m going to allow myself to feel crummy - enough with being stoic.  If I feel like crawling 

under a rock, it’s okay - with no apologies (to myself).  When I left school on Friday, I was really ready to 

crawl under a rock and that’s exactly what I did (figuratively, of course) until Sunday evening, when I finally started to feel normal again.  One would think that I should have this figured out by now, but I’m still learning!

  I have to say that Terry was so patient through all this and kept offering to make me things to eat.  I had

read that food that you really like will often become impossible to get close to during this time, and “they”

were right.  The only things that worked were chunky peanut butter on toast and grilled cheese sandwiches.

The other thing that I noticed this time is that I have no stamina.  I got up Sunday morning to shower and

wash my hair so that I could go to church, and realized  that I had used up all my energy, got light-headed 

and went back to bed.  The beneficiary of all this, of course, is Buttons, our cat, who now has a buddy who 

can also sleep about 22 hours a day!

  I do want to say a HUGE “thank you” to the ladies at school who all pulled together to register the new 

kids, completely assemble the first day packets, and generally do what I have been responsible for over

the last 16 years at my school.  Opening a new school year is really a busy time and very stressful, 

and I’m so thankful that I was able to sleep through it this year!  You all are wonderful friends and I 

appreciate you so much!  

  School actually begins this Thursday, Sept. 9th, so I will work for 2 full weeks before I begin my 4th

round of chemo on Sept. 20th.  Following that round, I will have another PET/CAT Scan and bone marrow

test to assess my progress (I hope) towards remission.  Regardless of the results, I will have 2 more

rounds of chemo for sure.  Then we’ll see . . . 

  Blair, Lisa Schron, and I will be attending a Women of Faith Conference this weekend in Anaheim - it

should be wonderful and I know from experience that I need to take a BOX of kleenex with me.  Looking

forward to it!

   

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

   Today was the 3rd day of my third round of chemo.  Because of the coming holiday, my appointment

times have been later, which for some reason, has goofed me up.  I have not been a powerhouse when

I get home, ready to leap tall buildings at a single bound, staying up until 2:00 a.m.!  Instead, I’ve been 

tired and fall asleep early, then wake up at 2:00 for the rest of the night!  One of my nurses says that 

she has patients who save up their scrapbooking and tape movies to watch for times like these.

   Today, Terry’s mom sent us a CD of Bill and Gloria Gaither, whom we have enjoyed for years.  We 

had the CD going in the car and I have a bunch of their songs on my IPOD.  I have programmed my IPOD 

with a lot of great praise music and at chemo was listening to “In the Garden”, which is an old Christian 

song, and I guess that I was crying while I was listening to it.  I opened my eyes to see a very concerned 

nurse standing over me, asking me if I was okay.  (It’s 2:30 a.m. now, and Im listening to it again, crying, 

my nose dripping on my laptop.  TMI!)  Terry says that tears remove toxins, which is interesting, because 

while I’m being pumped full of toxins, my tears are helping to take them away!

   I guess that part of the reason that I am writing this blog is to tell the story from the inside out.  Until I 

had cancer, I never gave any thought to how it feels or what chemotherapy would be like.   A nurse also

told me this week that the anti-anxiety drug that they give us is to somehow alter any negatives that we 

might feel about getting the chemo or just going to the chemo center.  For me, it’s a strangely comforting 

process - even though I’m being pumped full of poison!

I have my special chemo socks, the snuggly blanket that Blair made for me a few years ago, and my 

IPOD that helps to lull me to sleep.  The mix of drugs that they give me before the chemo itself, really

takes the edge off of the procedure.  So, it is really easy!

   Tomorrow, I go for the shot of Neulasta, which is the white cell booster.  Also, I won’t have the steroids 

that I get with the chemo, so this is when I start to do my emotional slide - hopefully I won’t slide very far 

this time!

   Thanks again to all of you who have sent cards and continue to pray for my recovery . .  God is at work!

   

                                    

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

  I’ve been back at school for a week, and it’s been incredibly hot, but I have a fan behind me, and I have it positioned so that it doesn’t blow the papers off of my desk, but does hit me in the back and keeps me cool if I don’t move away from it.  A few teachers have come in each day to pick up their keys and they’re slowly getting into the groove of getting their rooms back in order.  For the most part, their classrooms are hotter than the office, so I can understand their lack of enthusiasm!

  Got a panicked call from Terry today saying that he was pretty sure that our cat had gotten out while the cleaning lady was there.  He’d been on a conference call and had not seen Buttons since she left.  {It took me a long time to really become an animal person, but losing Buttons would be a huge tragedy!}  So, I dropped everything and flew home, hoping I wouldn’t see her in the street, alive or other, and walked into the house and called her name . . . . . and she walked out of his office!  YUP!

  Blair went with me to the doctor for my weekly blood tests - all the numbers were good again {YES!}  My doctor’s a single dad whose daughter will be a freshman at UC Santa Barbara; we asked if she would be going through Rush, which she is, but he didn’t know too much about it, so he closed the door and we had a little chat - and HE took notes!

  My 3rd round of chemo begins next Monday and there’s lots to do at school before I take off for a week.  I’ve really thought a lot about the idea of going back to work on the last 2 days of my chemo week, and think that I will not try to be a hero, but will stay home to rest.  I haven’t had the stress of working during the first 2 rounds, so I’m sure that it’s made a difference in how I felt during those weeks.  It’s all still pretty new and I will for sure have 3 more rounds after this.

  In the 2 non-chemo weeks, I feel completely normal, and it’s like none of this is really happening.  Unfortunately, my appetite is back though and it’s a challenge to not go back to my old eating habits!

  I do want to thank all of you again your prayers and support; I don’t know how people survive these types of things in their lives without personally knowing God and being able to see how He’s working and answering prayers.  It’s pretty amazing!  

                                                                   

Saturday, August 14, 2010

                The spacing went crazy again -

  Some of you have mentioned that you haven’t been getting my blog - actually, I haven’t written one for 

quite a while!

  My previous blood work {in the last blog} was good and I flew up to San Francisco that day to meet my 

sister, Lindsay, for our first “sisters” vacation.  Her flight arrived before mine, so she was waiting at my gate 

when I arrived.  From there, we trekked to the BART station for a 20-minute ride to our hotel.  The sun was 

just going down when we got off the BART and the weather was cool and crisp - what a delight!  We are both directionally challenged, but thanks to some street folks, we found the Hotel Union Square on Powell Street 

with little trouble.  For one who travels very little (and usually stays in Hampton Inns), I was very surprised by 

our room.  She and I both stood in the doorway and said “Oh, my gosh!”  Turns out that our hotel was pretty old and had been restored several times - very retro.  The bathroom had striped tiles on walls and floor and was big enough to hold a small dance in!  The ceiling was probably 15 ft. high and the carpeting was striped.    The hotel was located in a neat area with a trolley going up and down the street ALL night.  But, if you’re a little hard of hearing and on the other side of the building, you can’t hear it anyway!  Turned out we ended up liking the room, once we got adjusted!   Okay, so we broadened our horizons!

  On Tuesday, we took a 5 hour bus tour around the city.  Blair had suggested that we rent the little yellow cars with GPS’s, but for the 2 of us, it could have spelled disaster!  I have to say again that the weather was phenomenal and Lindsay was loving it coming from hot and sweaty Illinois.  We took a ferry to Sausalito, then back across the Golden Gate for the rest of the trip.   We found that our hip and knee joints began to ache about the same time, so we were pretty evenly matched.  Dinner was at the Cheesecake Factory on the patio above Macy’s.

  Wednesday morning, we rented a car for the short drive to Monterey and Carmel.  We ate lunch at a hotel on the water in Monterey and managed to kill enough time so that most of the stores were already closing by the time 

we arrived in Carmel.  What a great town, though!  We actually stayed in Pacific Grove in the Sea Breeze Lodge {does that sound like the Bates Motel?}  It was another of those OMG! moments when we saw it as it was a motel where you drive your car to the front door.  It was the flickering “OPEN” sign that really scared us!  {just kidding}

  Thursday was our longest driving day, heading for Carpinteria.  We drove the Coast Highway {1}, passed Big Sur, which was magnificant - the scenery was just amazing!  It was a photographer’s dream.  

  At some point, our directions told us to get off the 1 and take the 101, to later reconnect with the 1.  I didn’t question it, but it was getting dark and, as a rule, I don’t drive unknown roads in the dark.  It also was VERY hilly with lots of short turns.  Mild panic was ensuing and then the brakes started to vibrate every time I used them.  Lindsay talked to me all the way, so that helped a lot, but it was scary!  When we arrived in Carpinteria, we were pretty sure that they must have moved the hotel, but after realizing that Garma had been programmed with the wrong street number, we found it!  

  On Friday, we had to backtrack to Santa Barbara to get a different rental car, so while we waited for our new 

car to be serviced, they dropped us off close to Jeannine’s Bakery (Blair’s recommendation for brunch).  Santa Barbara has an annual Fiesta Days’ parade which happened to be that day, so we got to see a lot of it.  They have 600 beautiful horses in it and Lindsay was completely in her element taking movies.

  Back on the road again, we got into the LA area around rush hour, got lost in Santa Monica, but finally arrived home by 6:30.  Blair, Lindsay, and I went to the Sawdust Festival that night, then to Las Brisas for dinner.

  Saturday was “return the rental car day” so we chased around to get that accomplished.  In the afternoon, we met Blair and Justus and Britt and Lisa and boys for a late lunch at BJ’s in Brea.  Our son, Chris, was mining 

up in the mountains, so his family wasn’t able to join us.  We attended the Harvest Crusade that night and it 

helped remind me why I don’t enjoy the Teen Night - the music is SO LOUD.  God appeals to different people in different ways!

  Lindsay flew home on Sunday morning.  I could hardly stay awake driving back from LAX and took a long 

nap when I got home.   Terry was still at church and the emptiness got me and I just sat and cried!  It had 

been such a fun week, but I can see now how exhausted I was without realizing it -

  

  Monday, August 9th began my 2nd round of chemo.  I went into it knowing that I was tired, but thought 

I could play “catch-up” by sleeping through most of it.  Blair picked me up after my treatments on all 3 days

and we managed to run errands or ‘do really important stuff’ until late in the day.  Part of the injections I receive are steroids, which keep me up until late at night, not feeling “wired” but just not sleepy.  I get this “super-human” feeling that this is the time to get things done, but I am, in fact, running myself down.  

  On Thursdays, I get a shot of Neulasta to boost my white blood cells, but there are no steroids, so I start to 

do a slow melt-down.  As I come off of this high, I get a little weepy and emotional.  {This is still all so new to me, and I’m finally figuring it out.}  This shot can give flu-like symptoms, certain smells really bother me {CAT BOX} and I feel like I have a fur-ball in my throat! {Not related to Buttons}.  I think that I’m deciding that Thursdays 

need to be a day of rest; maybe Fridays, too.

  I went to bed about 8:30 last night, so have really goofed up my sleep pattern even more.  Woke up about 3:00 a.m. and had to use the bathroom in the den as I could smell the cat box on the porch behind our main bathroom.  I ended up waking Terry up, so he came in to talk while I was on my computer.  For all of you women who have husbands who are computer jocks, you’ll appreciate this for sure!  He thought that it would be an opportune time to show me how my MAIL programs works. {at 3:30 in the morning!}  Don’t they get it?

  We went to Costco this week, and you know how they sometimes give you a big box to carry your stuff in?  

{but it get so heavy -}  Well, we got a purple and white checked Smucker’s box with a cutout in the front.  Buttons sleeps at the foot of our bed, so Terry brought it in for her - he had put “Button’s Pad” on the front of it and said he had renovated it with TARP money!  I’m sure that it’s one of those “you had to be there” moments for most people, but we just died laughing!  Buttons appreciated it and was glad that we “had some skin in the game!”

  I haven’t noticed any hair loss, but did get my hair cut this week.  I did say that I wanted it shorter, but this is ridiculous!  She must not have been listening.  I have named my wig, Winona, and she’s gone for a ride several times {get it?}  For all you former female swimmers, it feels a lot like wearing a tank cap - and it will be warm 

when our temps in California start to climb just in time for school to start.

  My first day back at school will be on Tuesday - honestly, this summer has gone so quickly.  I’m usually kind 

of ready to go back, but I’m not feeling that way so much this year.  I’ve been treated like a Princess all summer, and there’s no Princess treatment at school - and no AIR CONDITIONING!

  I would be remiss if I closed this day of the blog without thanking God and my family and friends who are supporting me through this time in my life.  I am so fortunate in so many ways and I do see this trip as a form of a “gift”.  I know that many good things will come from what I am learning and I am being made stronger for having experienced it.

A quote from Greg Laurie at the Harvest Crusade:  

  'We aren't called to follow Jesus' followers, we're called to follow Jesus’

Also, from C. S. Lewis:

  ‎'God whispers to us in our pleasure... And shouts at us in our pain' 

                                                                   

Saturday, July 31. 2010

  
    ** The spacing on my final copy went haywire; I have tried to fix it twice, looks good in 

the edit mode, then bad in the publish copy. Sorry, but it bugs me - a secretarial thing, I guess! 

  No, I haven't fallen off a cliff!  I have felt great all week and last week's cycle of chemo seems 

so far in the past.  It's almost as though it never happened.

  Our plans are set for meeting in San Francisco next week.  My sister is in overdrive, staying up 

until the early hours, cleaning house before she leaves.   Is that just a female thing, wanting to leave everything in order (or better) before we leave for a trip?  I have never noticed that it bothered my counterpart.  I remember in our first apartment in Illinois, "hiding" all the dirty dishes in the oven 

before we took off for a weekend in Ohio.

  Tuesday evening, my principal and the rest of the ladies from our school office (save 1) met for 

dinner at the Cheesecake Factory on the patio.  It was so much fun and good to see all of them.  

They all brought Chemo gifts - several plaques with encouraging words, great hats to go with 

my new "do" - whatever that may be, and a fabulous pair of long, big, purple chandelier earrings, 

a headband with purple bling, and the necessary purple wand to round out the ensemble!  Thanks 

you all - I really enjoyed it!

  I think that this will be my 17th year at Warren Elementary and I have to say that I work with 

such great people.  I know so many who aren't happy where they work, but after all these years, 

I still love what I do, and the people that I work with make such a difference; I am really blessed!!!!

  I picked up my wig yesterday and wore it for the rest of the day.  I still have a full head of hair 

which gets mooshed under a mesh "scull cap" which is followed by the wig.  It's very simple 

looking; not anything that departs too much from the way I normally wear my hair, but I feel 

like I'm wearing a sign that says "Yes, I AM wearing a wig"!  I didn't realize that wigs take a 

lot of maintenance and I came home with about $100 worth of supplies to keep it clean and 

looking snappy.  Our cat hasn't noticed it yet. . . .

  My next medical milestone will be Monday for another blood test on my red, white, and blues.  

So, until then . . . . .  I am still so joyful and praising the Lord for all that He's done for me!

                                                                   

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Monday, July 26, 2010

  At church yesterday the sermon was about the Lord being our strength and our song.  We should rejoice and let no one steal our joy!  Well I have joy and I am rejoicing because I received a good report from the doctor today!  I went for blood work to have my red, white, and blue {platelets} blood cells tested and all the numbers were good.  The doctor was happy and that made me happy!  He also asked how I was feeling after the chemo and I told him that I felt really good and hadn’t really had any side effects and he said that I can expect the rest of the treatments to affect me the same. {I CAN HANDLE THAT!} 

  Rather than sit on the freeway during rush hour, we ate outdoors at Ruby’s, then went to Fashion Island to kill some time.  {Right, I was really in the mood to shop}.  Terry went to computer nirvana {the Apple Store} and Blair and I went to Anthropologie, by way of a watch counter where she wanted to show me a watch that she was interested in.  Well, since I was feeling so celebratory and somewhat benevolent {do you like those words?}, we both ended up getting chemo watches!  That’s what I call them, at least, and I will lump them into the same category as ‘chemo brain’ and ‘chemo blanket’, since they are directly related to my current state of affairs!

  Last Spring, my sister, Lindsay and I began talking about meeting in San Francisco and driving down the coast sometime this summer.  The idea kind of got shelved when I found out about the lymphoma, but the trip is now on again and I’ve thrown her adrenaline into overtime, because we’re going to take the trip next week!  Blair is going to nail down a lot of the particulars for us as both Lindsay and I lack the expertise in that department.  We’re hoping to find a direct flight for Lindsay, as she hates to fly and will probably take something for mood enhancement - we would hate for her to miss a connecting flight, plus it would add one more takeoff and landing!  I’m sorry Lindsay, I know that this is at your expense, but the thought of you wandering in an altered state in an airport is just too much!  You will get here and we will find each other in the airport in San Francisco!

  A thought has been going through my mind lately, and it is that 'God is in the details'.  I don't know that it's from the Bible, but looking back on the last 3 weeks from the time I found out about the lymphoma, God has certainly been in every detail of what's been happening in my life.  I'm still working on relaxing and letting Him just do it all, without my help; I'm not a super controller, but it's really a comfort to know that He has it all handled - and He's doing a great job!  I AM JOYFUL AND I AM REJOICING!

                                                                   

.

Saturday, July 25, 2010

A Cucumber, for heaven's sake!


  I know that you're wondering - what???
  Let me go back to Thursday and Friday.  I never did have any side effects from the Neulasta shot and just hung out at home on Friday and enjoyed the fact that I had no place to go.  Terry had 2 appointments out in the Valley, so was gone all morning, but Lupe was here. {organizing and babysitting, if I needed it}.

  By Saturday morning, I felt so GOOD!  Just realizing that I was going to be able to go to the picnic was so great!  And I was feeling NORMAL, not a "new normal", but the old normal!  Blair was spending the weekend with us while Justus was at a bachelor weekend in Las Vegas.   We all knew that we needed to leave the house by 12:00 to get out to Hesperia by 2:00.  Somehow we always sabotage ourselves and get involved doing other things, then start to pull it together too late to leave the house on time.  For some reason we NEED to add ANXIETY to the mix.  As I have said before, the Schrons are not fun to travel with especially when we are running late and don't know for sure where we're going.      We did arrive about 1/2 hour late, but fortunately they had given us a bogus time{my assumption} to allow for our late arrival.  By the time we arrived, we had 'enjoyed' each other's company so much that Terry kicked us out of the car so he could have some personal time before joining the party!

  The picnic was fun and it was great to see our sons and their wives and all 5 grandsons.   Water balloons were the hit of the day and the majority of attendees got soaked on a regular basis.  It was at least 100 degrees {I can't find that thing on my keyboard}, and the wind was blowing like crazy.  Humidity was low, unlike the Midwest, so when you broke a sweat, it dried almost instantly.  The park had a water park, cows, horses, camels, gophers, snakes - though I didn't see any, thankfully, and lots of ants!  It was a fun day and we were so glad that we were there to celebrate Zek's graduation and Luke's 16th birthday.  All of our grandsons are involved in Boy Scouts and are leaving this week to go to camp with their dads.  How cool!

  Okay, so back to the cucumber . . . . we were talking about the fact that I could not remember the name of a cucumber on one of my chemo days.  Terry had cut one up and put it on my plate for lunch and I just drew a blank as to what it was called.  I asked him to give me a clue and he said "Q" (or at least that's what my brain saw) and I still couldn't figure it out!  Then he told me the name, and a few minutes later, I had forgotten again!!!!!  Terry loves to share that kind of information with people, so our son Britt knew about it, told his wife, Lisa, who reassured me that there is something called "chemo brain", {which, I think, is a scientific name for a glorified senior moment after one has experienced chemo!}  I guess that you have to live at our house to appreciate our sometimes dippy sense of humor, but I truly think that we have laughed more since this whole thing started than we had laughed for a long time.

                                                            IT  WAS  A  GOOD  DAY!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

  Well, I guess that I overdid it yesterday.  I may have said it before, but I seem to have a quota on tears, and because I didn’t really cry at all yesterday, they are free-flowing today!  A wonderful mom from my school, Lupe, has been helping me by cleaning out and organizing lots of areas in our house.  I love being organized, but can’t get the job done for myself!  So, I was up early, to try and be ready for her when she came at 8:00.  You know, clean up for the cleaning lady!

  Also today, there is going to be no chemo, but I was anticipating a shot of Prednizone which I heard was going to cause leg aches, etc. {general misery}  So I would be leaving my new “comfort zone” of chemo, which had been such a good experience, and would be moving into unknown territory.  I was a mess!

  The shot turned out to be Neulasta, which was given in the back of my arm by a very nice nurse who injected it  v e r y  slowly - so it didn’t hurt at all.   It’s a white blood cell booster used to help reduce the risk of infection for chemo patients.  It does have side effects - mostly flu-like symptoms of aching, etc. that could last all weekend.  I’m in a better mental state so know that I can deal with if when and if it happens.

  We have a family picnic to go to in Victorville on Saturday; our oldest grandson, Zek, graduated from high school, his brother, Luke just turned 16, and Chris and Erika have invited family and others to join in the celebration.  I don’t want to miss it, so I guess that I’ve made myself a little crazy {crazier} over this shot thing.

  After the shot, Terry indulged me by going to look at the rattan headboard that I’d been looking at.  We found one that we liked better - made of woven sea grass and put a deposit on it since it was the last one.  It would need to be stained, but was a decent price.  I wanted to see the one again that was at the mall, and it turned out to be the winner - perfect color, size and shape.  Plus, we liked the mermaids that were hanging on it  {just kidding - sea grass, get it?}

  I received a number of cards today - thanks to you who sent them - I appreciate your kindness.  I have avoided my cell phone, but please don’t take it personally - you know who you are.  I am still in what I call my “fragile” state and could cry for any reason, and don’t want to make anyone feel bad.

  Oh no, Terry has just walked in and has become the official “water police”! So, I’m gonna drink, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug!

                                                                   

.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

What do ANTICIPATION and CONSTIPATION have in common?  Both words share the same letters, but the real answer is WATER!  I’m a little lazy and cut corners sometimes, not deliberately, but more out of ignorance.  Drinking lots of water happens to be up at the top of the “to do” list of things that I’m responsible for during the time that I’m in chemotherapy.  The main reason for drinking 8 - 10 glasses a day is to “help your body eliminate toxic metabolic substances” and to have nice veins so they can find a good spot to insert the IV. So, I chugged 72 oz. of water before leaving for chemo and my veins were lookin’ good by the time we arrived in Newport!   I’ve been a slacker, but I’m working on it! 

   A pretty good drive on the way - Terry is realizing how the driving commentary really gets to me and makes my blood pressure climb.   The treatment was only about 2 1/2 hours long, so he got me tucked in, took my picture, and sent an email about “this is Jayme before she loses her hair or while she still has hair {or something along those lines}, so for those of you who received it and were a little confused, you just need to know that sometimes what’s going on in his mind and what goes into print can be two totally separate things!  Before I start my 2nd round of chemo, I may notice some hair loss - not a guarantee, but a good possibility.

  I do have really thick hair, but know that my current crop is starting to look a little tacky color-wise and my doctor has advised not to get it colored again as it will break off before I leave the salon.  I got a good gene from my dad and really don’t have grey hair, but it’s dark, so the contrast with the color I have woven into it makes for a real dark/light situation.  {Sorry about the dumb girl talk!}  SOOOOO, I decided that I’m going to handle things by ultimately getting my hair cut really short and just wearing a wig for public appearances.  If I lose my hair, then so be it!

  Blair picked me up from chemo and we went to Jenny’s Wig Center, which had been listed on a sheet that I picked up while at the doctor’s office.  Her place is on Tustin in Orange, and located closest to home, so I figured we could start there.  I’ve never been the type to dress up for Halloween, and the thought of wearing a wig is like dressing up to be someone that I’m really not - maybe you can relate?  A wig to me is like something green and shiny that could work with a costume.  But, this is going to be REAL LIFE!  Anyway, Jenny has a nice shop and she’s a cancer survivor, too, so she relates.  She helped me with several wigs and I chose one that looks a lot like I wear my hair now - {no Renee, nothing long and red!}  The color’s a little different, but I will have my new wig in a week!  We have “cannon ball” bedposts on our antique bed, so we already have a place for it when it’s not in use. {kidding}  Buttons should love it -   Oh, and Jenny goes to our church!  What a surprise, but then, not really.  God is always ahead of me!

  We moved on and got a quick lunch and went for pedicures; I had given serious thought to having my acrylic nails removed, but then reconsidered.  The doctor said that they are okay to have, so I’m keeping them.  I will just wear a mask in the salon.

  From there, we went to Blair and Justus’ apartment, where I had promised Blair that I would help her organize her workroom.  We got a whole lot accomplished and left there around 11:00 p.m.  Mind you, I’m still sort of buzzed by the steroids that they’ve given me and it’s way past my normal bedtime.  Got home and Blair helped me finally launch this blog.  In bed by 12:30 or so, but it was another great day, I felt full of accomplishment, and was so thankful to be functional during this new trip with chemotherapy!!!!  God is so good!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Today’s treatment was fine.  We had a much happier ride to the Center - only one discussion about other peoples’ driving, but it was short-lived!  No benadryl today, but I was pretty relaxed with virtually no anxiety.  My treatment only lasted 3 hours, so Terry got me tucked in and left for work.  I’m still working on the tons of food that he sent, but we’ll get that figured out!

The center offers hand or leg massages free.  I took the leg massage and it’s very different from what I’ve had with a pedicure.  They do more “laying on of hands” as they don’t want to disturb the business of what’s going on inside, but it’s amazingly soothing!  The masseuse explained the process to Blair who had come to pick me up.  A nice treat!

We ate lunch at Milk and Honey in Costa Mesa, a little place that has wonderful lavender tea lattés.  I’m in the market for a woven “rattan” headboard for Blair’s old room, so we checked out 2 stores before coming home to take a nap, because we were both a little sleepy, and Blair had to leave for work at 5:00.

It’s now 12:30 a.m. and I’m still up, but it was another great day, for which I am very grateful.

Monday, July 19, 2010

   Yesterday was such a good day and I felt pretty calm even knowing that my treatment would be starting the next day.  However, if you understand how satan works - he likes to crash and burn and offset the good by bringing on a lot of craziness and fear and I hate to give him any credit, but our morning got off to a really bad start.

  My appointment at the treatment center was at 8:15 in Newport Beach; and we had never been there before and I wasn’t entirely certain where we were going.  {You do not want to travel with Terry and Jayme under these circumstances!}  Terry was busy packing food for me, as it was going to be about an 8 hour day, and we needed to bring our own food.  Part of Terry’s personality can be overdoing, and he packed enough food for several people!  10 minutes until leave time and he hadn’t showered yet.  I was really trying hard to not get upset, but there was really a lot of TENSION !!! 

He was getting rattled and he often goes through this running commentary about other drivers when they’re not driving according to his standards - plus we had to drive through an area where many foreign drivers are on the road, {a good chance of more great commentary}, so I announced that I would drive - oh yeah, a great idea, indeed!

Well, we were approaching the “foreign driver” area, we hadn’t been talking, I was tearing up, and he told me to pull over, because I couldn’t see to drive.  I did so, we switched places, and I proceeded to sob uncontrollably all the way to the chemo center.  It was like I had been saving the tears for weeks.  I just couldn’t stop and walked in with my blanket that Blair made me and my box of Kleenex, still crying and blowing my nose!  I’m sure that it wasn’t an unusual scene for them, but I was pathetic!  Terry had already apologized for being a jerk, but I was pathetic anyway.

I finally pulled myself together, and a very kind nurse, named Helen, introduced herself and took us up to the 2nd floor where there is a large room full of about 30 comfy recliners where we sit during our therapy.  I weighed in and she put the IV in my arm and drew blood, then started me on a drip of Benadryl to make me relax, Decadron and Aloxi to prevent nausea, and Ativan for anxiety {yes, I had some!}.  My red and white blood cells were within normal range and well as my platelets, so she began the drip of Rituxan (3-6 hours), Cytoxan, and Fludara.  

I must say, that it was a totally relaxing and comfortable situation.  Terry put my socks on, covered me up with Blair’s blanket, turned my IPOD on and I slept for several hours.  I told Terry that he didn’t need to stay with me; I felt very secure and was able to tolerate the drugs - one can cause some immediate side effects, but I sailed through without a problem, so there was no need for him to stay.  Blair showed up at 4:30 to take me home and I felt fine - no nausea or anything!  I can’t tell you how good that felt!

I had survived my first day of treatment!  Thank you, Lord!!!

The nurse did warn me that one of the drugs might give me a real boost of energy and she was right!  I was still on my computer at 3:00 a.m. {that’s really late for Jayme, the sleeper!}  My alarm was set for 5:30 and I really don’t know if I ever fell asleep.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Church was great and I was thinking that I have so much to be thankful for - every day, but certainly in this situation.  I have created this little pep talk for myself, ‘cause I can get pretty dumpy sometimes!  I have shed a lot of tears, not so much in feeling sorry for myself, but because I’m hyper sensitive {I cried in Toy Story 3!}, I get fearful, I’m not talking enough, or I just get overwhelmed by what’s happening and have to just fall apart!  Anyway, some things I’m really thankful for:

• I am a believer in Jesus Christ; I’m a child of God and He is with me all the time - to talk to, to comfort me - He’s there for me.  I can’t even comprehend how much He loves me, but I am assured that He does.  He has time for me whenever I ask - I don’t just get a few seconds a week, so He can move onto someone else; He knows me better than I know myself - there’s no kidding there.  I do not understand how people can survive a major crisis without Him; I don’t want to!

• I have a very supportive family and some great friends who have offered to help do almost anything if we need the help  My husband is a wonderful caretaker, tireless breakfast maker and spoiler in many ways!  Our daughter, Blair, is my main cheerleader, great shopping buddy, and loves doing lunch or dinner; we have a great relationship.  Our sons, Chris and Britt, live at a distance with their families, and I feel very secure that they are supporting and praying for me in this new “venture”.

• My name is on many prayer lists - even as far away as Belgium!  Thank you!

• We don’t have children at home any longer, therefore, we don’t have to work around their needs or schedules.

• I have great Medical Insurance.

• I have a great doctor who came highly recommended {by God}

• I work at a school with a very compassionate principal and great staff that will fill in for me when I’m out for treatment.

• I have a cyber friend, Denise, the lady who told me about Dr. Vandermolen, and she's available for any questions I have and she speaks from experience.